White coat. Heels.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
