you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize