There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
