I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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