When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
