I feel great
I just peed on a car
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
