Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
