i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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