I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And then he peed in my hair
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