my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
