True but thats because hes a fetus.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
