also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
3pm strippers are depressing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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