Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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