If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize