I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
