you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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