There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
