I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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