She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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