I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
