I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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