the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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