billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
