I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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