But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
