You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
