i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
