How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
