Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
