How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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