At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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