Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need help removing her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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