Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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