I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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