the condom got lost in my hair
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
