How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
