We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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