its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
