Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
