i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
