I hate your face
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
