I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
