I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
