He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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