i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
