My first STD was from a foam party
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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