Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
