Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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