i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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