is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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