my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
