I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
