The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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