Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize