Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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