What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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