I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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