It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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