Sry I called you an 8
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
