I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
