A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im holly from the hills drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
