If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
