Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
