Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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